March 31, 2010
Ever have...?
...so many interests and things that you want to just try? And you want to try them immediately? Well, with three kids and a household to run, I realize the instant gratification part of my personality doesn't help things. Baby steps, I know. But I'm a runner...and I run...I physically and mentally cannot maintain a slow gait...it drives me crazy. Same goes for when I get it in my head that "this would be neat to do" or "I could do that!..." Sigh. Baby steps.
March 22, 2010
Dojo Wisdom for Mothers
Thinking about what I needed to get done before Michael's karate class one evening, I realized that Jennifer Lawler's book, Dojo Wisdom for Mothers, is one of my favorite parenting books out there. I have a few parenting books in my bookshelf and while I've found that some of them are simply common sense while others are just plain stupid, Dojo Wisdom for Mothers has a calmer voice...one that speaks to you and makes you want to stop and listen. I've found since becoming a parent that the answers are not strictly found in parenting books. You add a little of your own flavor and discover that you know your children best and have the potential to parent them the way you know you should...sometimes we just need a little guidance...whether we like to admit it or not. :)
Truthfully, I am prone to raising my voice. I admit it. I'm a yeller. I'm a boisterous laugher. I'm animated. It's part of who I am. However, I don't want to be a yeller when it comes to my children. I'd like to be able to reach my kids with just the tone of voice, with my words. I understand, now that I'm on my third kid, that yelling stems from a feeling of frustration and from a lack of control over the situation. Actually, it was about the time my oldest son was about four years old and my middle child was two, that I realized, "Heck, my fists are clenched and I can feel my blood boiling. This isn't right." The husband worked long hours (he's an attorney) and I seriously felt like a "sometimes single parent" because it seemed like it was only just me. We didn't have family close by to help babysit. It was just me. I've also since realized that if it's taking more energy than you know it should, you're not disciplining your children. You're punishing them. Punishing them for what? Whatever they did...no matter if what they did truly warrants anger and yelling...it should not evoke such an aggressive physiological response when it comes to my children. That's my thought. If I feel my blood rushing and my fists are clenched, I am coming from a place of anger and that's the not the correct state of mind to be molding the minds of impressionable young children. Yes, I've repeated myself more than once. Yes, the incessant squabbling amongst siblings is like fingernails on a chalkboard. Whatever may be going on at the moment, Dojo Wisdom for Mothers has helped me approach each situation with a different mindsight. For that, I am very, very grateful.
Truthfully, I am prone to raising my voice. I admit it. I'm a yeller. I'm a boisterous laugher. I'm animated. It's part of who I am. However, I don't want to be a yeller when it comes to my children. I'd like to be able to reach my kids with just the tone of voice, with my words. I understand, now that I'm on my third kid, that yelling stems from a feeling of frustration and from a lack of control over the situation. Actually, it was about the time my oldest son was about four years old and my middle child was two, that I realized, "Heck, my fists are clenched and I can feel my blood boiling. This isn't right." The husband worked long hours (he's an attorney) and I seriously felt like a "sometimes single parent" because it seemed like it was only just me. We didn't have family close by to help babysit. It was just me. I've also since realized that if it's taking more energy than you know it should, you're not disciplining your children. You're punishing them. Punishing them for what? Whatever they did...no matter if what they did truly warrants anger and yelling...it should not evoke such an aggressive physiological response when it comes to my children. That's my thought. If I feel my blood rushing and my fists are clenched, I am coming from a place of anger and that's the not the correct state of mind to be molding the minds of impressionable young children. Yes, I've repeated myself more than once. Yes, the incessant squabbling amongst siblings is like fingernails on a chalkboard. Whatever may be going on at the moment, Dojo Wisdom for Mothers has helped me approach each situation with a different mindsight. For that, I am very, very grateful.
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